my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
