Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize