Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
