Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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