If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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