Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
