Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
