I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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