I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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