those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
