why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
