No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This is my gift to your gina
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
