dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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