we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I am one with the molecules
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
