Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Welp...herpes.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
