I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
