I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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