Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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