I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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