So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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