Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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