you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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