My room smells like vodka and shame
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
