Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
