the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
