He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
