i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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