We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
