And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
