I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
