census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
