You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
