I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
