Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize