Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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