i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
