I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
