When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
