I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
