Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
