WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
