Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
