Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
