She's JV to your varsity
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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