Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
