I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
