how can u be prego again
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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