he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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