Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
