i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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