Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i out mim tonsoeep
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
