I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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