Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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