Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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