I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
where are my pants?
in the oven.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
