Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
