If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
