I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
