I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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