i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
