I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
