Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
